Saturday, May 28, 2005

Sun-Burned!!

I spent the evening answering bizarre questions for an internship application. These placements are in Malawi, Lesotho and Uzbekistan. Wouldn't it be weird if the first time I left North America was to go to Uzbekistan? Mental mind-fuck, for sure.

I want to sew. I have the most gorgeous fabrics, and a wonderful sewing machine and yet I spend my time wandering around accomplishing nothing. I have so much potential and creativity and yet the days roll on and I feel useless. I am my own worst enemy. I have been obsessing about the weirdest shit lately - totally unproductive.

Last night I tried Halva for the first time and I was impressed! It was good! Sweet pistachio goodness!

I think humans are really funny animals. I was on the street corner about an hour ago - at 1 am - holding a bunch of Eucalyptus branches and waiting for the dog to finish sniffing around and across the street were two people. One was a woman in a wheelchair and her hairdo was crazyness - she looks strung out. The man with her was all rasta-styled and it appeared as though something like a vaccuum cleaner was strung to his back. Beside them were two white garbage bags. They were not talking.

I thought about how odd we all are - how our activities sort of made little sense (except the dog, sniffing for whiffs and leaving her urine scent behind). Why did I collect the eucalyptus branches that were piled by the curb? (Well, to be honest, I want to see if I can make things with them) Who were these weird people standing there across the street? What motivates any of us to do anything? (aside from basic instincts)...

Humans and leisure time allow for absolute weirdness.

Now onto complete bullshit!! Julian, my missing friend that I wrote about, will not be back. My worst fears were realized: suicide. At least he has the peace of oblivion now...a long eternal sleep that will not inflict any suffering.

I met him within days of moving out here to the West Coast and lately I have been spooked that I will have to move away. His departure resonates really weird with me.

15 Comments:

Blogger Doug said...

Humans and leisure time allow for absolute weirdness.

Which why I miss Jerry Garcia and going to see the Grateful Dead.

You are hot with a bright mind.

Sorry that you lost your friend.

7:07 AM  
Blogger frustratedwriter said...

Your posts are quite interesting to read. I enjoy the way you open your mind up so we can all take a peek inside. Suicide sucks and I feel your loss as I've had three friends over my lifetime commit suicide. Leaves me wondering of what might have been if they had just stuck it out... which one of those options would have been...more emotional pain.

As far as humans and leisure time allowing for absolute weirdness... would that include blogging? I hope not, although I feel weird if I don't blog.

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