Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Broken Boys They Look Good Sitting on the Shelves...

I tried to listen to the new Sigur Ros today but it just did not work out. I am studying road safety policy for a test I will take tomorrow - a written email test for a job I applied to over two months ago! They are using this test - whatever the hell it is - to figure out who to interview.
My toilet is broken. My law school library catalogue is down so I don't know if I should head up there for books in the morning or not. I am nervous. This job pays 50-58,000/year and I would be so goddamn thrilled to make a professional wage for once. I am so sick of living under the poverty line. My fucking cat has a gross tumour in his mouth. Good thing I have no babies. They would be so negelected or else I would overlook myself.

I am sad and scared on many levels but also optimistic. I think if I can weather this next chunk of life I will experience great happiness - perhaps more than I have ever known. I am trying to figure out what motivates me and what scares me. Why I am so great in some departments and utterly pathetic in others. I did not write this before but I was offered a fully funded internship in northern Ghana last month that would have started this week. I would be working at a Sustainability Centre that promotes participation of women in governance and development issues in the region. The position was sponsored by the Canadian International Development Agency and would have absolutely rocked but I turned it down. Why? For a few reasons, all of which are legitimate. I am just spooked I will start to regret my decision now. Regret, guilt and envy/jealously are some of the most major negative emotions that I experience in my sack of cells. I fucking hate bad emotions. Yeuch, why must I be an atheist?

10 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey meghan good well done in being selected for the test, hope all goes well with that tomorrow.
Someone just said to me prior to an interview 'be confident,believe in yourself and others will too'
What the pic of?
graham

4:55 AM  
Blogger sCruuw said...

awe, Meghan I wish you luck you can do anything..hope the cat gets better! And my blog is still going on ..just re-designing it

7:41 AM  
Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Atheism is the new evanglicalism.

The real drag is, you have nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

8:05 AM  
Blogger Meghan said...

wow where did you guys come from?

the first pic was taken at an old burying ground for Loyalists in New Brunswick. in the second i am wearing my mother's hilarious wedding dress and holding a photo of their wedding day (they split when i was three but i look like a perfect mixture of the two).

and yeah - evangelical atheism, i will have to think about that one.

9:25 AM  
Blogger dude said...

Hang in there Meghan! I've made some scary decisions in my life and I've tried to take the opportunity to use the emotions of fear and regret to learn about myself. Sometimes you don't like what you learn but it helps you get to wherever you are headed.

I wish you the best of luck on the job!

-the dude

10:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Meghan,
sorry don't have a blogg site yet so thought I'd answer your question, made the link from afishinjapan blogg.
I'm from the UK, holidayed last year in Nova Scotia, saw tall ships in Halifax, really enjoyed my time there, good luck again with the job. Your sites cool,
graham

11:58 PM  
Blogger Meghan said...

thanks graham! i was in halifax recently too... i like maritime environments - but was brought up land-locked. although i seem to have evolved from interior humans, i highly suspect i am meant to be coastal, although i hate seafood.

i like to save jellyfish on the beach. one day i may be stung and i will hate them forever after.

by the way, that fish in japan blog has some very bizarre comments!

2:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Meghan,
Yep your right that blogg sure does have some strange comments!
Graham

4:31 AM  
Blogger rob said...

Who wants to work in Ghana anyway?
not a place for an agnostic! don`t look back! be positive keep going forward, on and on! believe in yourself and others will follow. Sure you can do the job, easily, because you are the best one for it.Their loss if you dont get it just Believe. Not an easy thing for an atheisist to do!!! Very best of luck :o)) Oh my God did I just say that!

1:43 PM  
Blogger Ricky Ramirez said...

Agnosticism, ghana, lightning bug's butt, regret...

I enjoyed the whole post and its comments. It has it all, it made cry, it made laugh...

The saddest thing: the gross tumour in your cat. I will send you money in order to cure your cat but... I have no money, jejeje

10:09 AM  

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